Instagram feed ✿

I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Happy birthday WSK ♥

Note: So below is what I posted on Facebook but slightly modified, you may skip this one if you've read the post.

I think I have never publicly expressed how grateful I am to have WSK in my life, and today it just feels like I should have done so already, so here goes.

WSK and I are not a conventional couple. We almost never do romantic cheesy stuff most couples do. We have our own circles of people we hang out with and we don’t report to each other our whereabouts. We don’t text unless it’s necessary. Heck, we don’t even talk on the phone or send each other more than 10 texts when we don’t see each other for 5 days. We live together, but we don’t interact a lot as we both need a lot of "me" time doing our own things. We don’t share with each other how our day has been as we just don’t find small talks appealing. When we fail to find a show or a movie both of us will enjoy watching, most of the time we would just part ways and watch whatever the hell each of us want to watch, separately. When I’m occasionally an unreasonable crazy bitch he would tell me he doesn’t have patience for this shit and walk away. (Although for argument's sake, he is usually the reason why my crazy bitch alter-ego gets released.) We’re cruelly blatant to each other, sometimes mean even.

Even the circumstance how we started our relationship in the first place was unconventional. We were open and honest to each other since we were just friends, and I knew in my heart we could be great partners as we shared the same life goals and values, but I was in a relationship with someone else at the time, albeit a failing one. Two nights before WSK flew off to the United States, I got the affirmation from my then boyfriend that my relationship with him would not work out without great amount of sacrifices from both sides, and that he’s unwilling to make any promises. I told WSK about it. The night before he left Malaysia, I took a cab from INTI-IU to Nilai bus station, took the bus to MRT station, took MRT to PJ, and he came to fetch me to his farewell supper with his high school friends. Then 5 months apart, met again for one day when I flew to the United States, then another 5 months apart until winter break, then another 5 months apart until he transferred to UW-Madison, lived together for 2 and a half years, then another 5 months apart until he came back for his masters program.

And there are plenty more other unconventional stuff (especially the recent one year) that only a few privileged ones in our lives know.

My point is, given how unconventional a couple we are, sometimes it feels like he’s not at all a good boyfriend— insensitive, unromantic, socially oblivious, weird, uncompromising, cocky, no empathy, gaming all the time, lazy, dirty, gross, smelly, big belly, ugly hair… the list goes on. While with him, I could be demanding, fussy, picky, anti-social, mental, weird… 

At times, we both question whether we’re really the best for each other.

And so far, the answer has stayed the same.

We are cruelly blatant to each other, because we don’t need to sugarcoat the truth we need to hear with white lies. We don’t put up with each other’s tantrums, because we know that we deserve to be with the best version of the other person. We fight, but we always resolve things once both of us regain our rationality and rarely go to sleep holding grudges. We give each other absolute freedom to connect with other people, to wander off and experience different things. We don’t mind not spending time together, as long as we use our time wisely to do what we enjoy doing. We are not afraid to criticize when one of us is about to make a seemingly bad decision, and when our advice is not followed we still back each other up (and cover each other up when turns out it’s indeed a bad decision).

When people wronged me, he stood by me. When I put my trust in the wrong people, he would hug me and give me a shoulder to cry on. When I want to do bad/wrong/unwise things to people to serve my ego, even though he disagrees with me, he would still assist me and make sure I succeed when he fails to dissuade me from doing it.

Today I woke up and as this sudden tide of gratitude overwhelmed me, I started crying realizing how lucky I am to have all that matter to me in a relationship— complete honesty, willingness to make sacrifices, unconditional support, entire trust and full respect. The past few years, especially the past few months have not been easy and I wouldn’t have been able to make it through the most difficult times without WSK in my life. For that, I am willing to dismember a dead body and dissolve the parts in concentrated acid for him.

I’m writing this down just so one day when I have doubts again, I can reassure myself that I’m never letting go of what we have— or at least not as easily, not without putting up a very hard fight.

But of course, people and circumstances can change, so if ever comes a time when it's no longer the best decision that we spend our lives together, I know I will still forever be grateful for the years we had with each other, and I pray that we both get all the happiness and success we seek for, eventually.

No comments:

Post a Comment