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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Monday, October 20, 2014


I vowed never to do it again. After all the disappointment, all the heartache, all those times i was left standing alone, wet and frustrated. I would never make the same mistake again. But then again, sometimes life doesn't leave you with much choice, and you cant help but fall back on your mistakes, and funnily enough, sometimes these mistakes are the exact ones that you can rely on the most.

Today was one of those days. It was akin to singing a song from the past, melodies that haunt and remind you. I wish I have the strength to abscond from this prison regardless of how arduous the escape might be, and I wish I could accept your invitation to ignorance with alacrity. Sadly, even the extreme pleasure at the thought of being able to move forward and mend "friendships" fails to assuage my fear of forgetting everything that happened.

I am still at disbelief how you had the effrontery to deny eating any cookies, even with the crumbs still on your lips. Has my magnanimity inured you to guilt? Or was it the desperation to exculpate yourselves had enervated your conscience? How could people tend towards your version which was discordant with the real story despite my reputation for veracity and perspicacity, just because you flash the victim cards? How could they not notice that the convoluted affair you equivocated was to prevaricate about the painfully austere and axiomatic truth?

Go on, sing yourselves a paean, convince yourselves that everything you did was right and necessary to obviate the need to deal with onerous consequences. If you prattle long enough, maybe you will grow to believe it without a qualm.

Only if I care enough to stop being reticent. Only if I am truculent enough to go all lengths and disabuse those obtuse people of your chicanery. I wish I am as audacious as I used to be.

But I can only wish, because I vowed never to do it again.

ps: this is extemporaneously written to help me memorize GRE vocab... T__T

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