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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Halloween: Freakfest 2014

I think I mentioned before, that Halloween is technically the only festival I bother celebrating and get excited about. But this year... bad planning, turned out so half-assed I don't even know what is there to blog about. Don't ask me what/who we were dressing up as, we couldn't tell either wtf.

This is the only photo I took the entire night. #nobattery #fml

Monday, October 20, 2014


I vowed never to do it again. After all the disappointment, all the heartache, all those times i was left standing alone, wet and frustrated. I would never make the same mistake again. But then again, sometimes life doesn't leave you with much choice, and you cant help but fall back on your mistakes, and funnily enough, sometimes these mistakes are the exact ones that you can rely on the most.

Today was one of those days. It was akin to singing a song from the past, melodies that haunt and remind you. I wish I have the strength to abscond from this prison regardless of how arduous the escape might be, and I wish I could accept your invitation to ignorance with alacrity. Sadly, even the extreme pleasure at the thought of being able to move forward and mend "friendships" fails to assuage my fear of forgetting everything that happened.

I am still at disbelief how you had the effrontery to deny eating any cookies, even with the crumbs still on your lips. Has my magnanimity inured you to guilt? Or was it the desperation to exculpate yourselves had enervated your conscience? How could people tend towards your version which was discordant with the real story despite my reputation for veracity and perspicacity, just because you flash the victim cards? How could they not notice that the convoluted affair you equivocated was to prevaricate about the painfully austere and axiomatic truth?

Go on, sing yourselves a paean, convince yourselves that everything you did was right and necessary to obviate the need to deal with onerous consequences. If you prattle long enough, maybe you will grow to believe it without a qualm.

Only if I care enough to stop being reticent. Only if I am truculent enough to go all lengths and disabuse those obtuse people of your chicanery. I wish I am as audacious as I used to be.

But I can only wish, because I vowed never to do it again.

ps: this is extemporaneously written to help me memorize GRE vocab... T__T

Friday, October 17, 2014

[Videos] Nosie doing cat things

I actually wanted to include these videos in the previous post but I figured that having 60+ cat photos in one post is already too much... so I put all videos of Nosie taken over the course of 2 months in a subsequent post instead wtf. These are all typical things cats do, just that Nosie did them cuter. #totallynotbiased

#1 - Resists falling asleep

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Meet Nosie! ^..^ฅ

Listen, I don't care what you think... I waited long enough to have a pet cat again so I am going to put 60+ photos of my cutiepie into one post ˘⌣˘

But first let me tell you how I got Nosie?

Initially I planned to adopt an adult cat from DCFOF, a local cat shelter I paid a one-time visit 3 years ago (click HERE to recap). I didn't consider a kitten at first because 
  1. Adoption fee is $100 for a kitten and $60 for an adult cat
  2. The shelter will get the cats neutered/spayed, vaccinated, de-wormed and tested before adoption at no cost. However, kittens are usually too young to get all procedures done by the time of adoption, which means adopters will have to take their kittens to the vet when they are old enough. Vet bill $$$
  3. Kittens have weaker immune system = easier to get sick = vet bill $$$
  4. Ever heard of the term "kitten crazies"? Kittens are high-energy little creatures = trouble makers
  5. Kittens might not be fully potty-trained yet.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

4 tattoos and counting

I know, I know, it's been 4 months since I last blogged. I don't even know how to write anymore. This is what not being in school and not being involved enough in academia field do to you...

Anyway, as the title says, I AM INKED!

I got my first two tattoos on 5/20, after I completed my last undergraduate project on 5/19.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Graduated - B.S. in Genetics with Honors ★

Achievement unlocked: Bachelor of Science degree in Genetics with Honors in Research ★

*throw confetti*

Yet I have to pay $40 to rent the gown and another $40 for this photo.

Monday, May 12, 2014

MSA Graduation Night '14

MSA = Malaysian Students Association.

Time flies isn't it? I just blogged about MSA Graduation Night '13 three months ago and now it's my turn.

Hadn't seen Hui Jen since 2 years ago wtf. Which was why I sat beside her throughout the night.
Kylie already graduated but came back to attend this.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

One month to graduation

Obligatory update before the next post which will be about MSA graduation dinner which will take place in like... 16 hours. Yeah.

Some selfies first because I rarely take any nowadays.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

My lesbian lover ♥

Too busy to sit down and reflect and write verbose blog post so here is a filler entry.

Me, Chris, Enthel, Taufik

So I went to University of Minnesota for the first time and the above was the only group photo taken wtf. Darren, Eza and Jojo were all busy with the event and I was too lazy to bug them for a group photo.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Song ruined: Hollaback girl

A sequel to the previous post. Was in the mood for some girl-power smugness ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sunday, March 16, 2014

I ain't no hollaback girl.

Uh, I didn't intend to post something like this as a comeback post. Oh well.

Did I forget to mention that I have a 100-page-thick resume in the friendship department? For the record, I literally spent half of my life drowning in the recurrence of betrayal, heartbreak, manipulation, remoteness, revenge, counter-revenge... you name it. So don't ever think about beating me. No joke. It's either I stay out, or I own this game. 

If you really, really want to beat me so badly though, I suggest you do it physically; of course you will end up having to face lawful consequences, but at least there is a guaranteed chance that I actually suffer.

Okay, that was lame. But you get my point.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

8 Things Your Brain Does Wrong Every Day

(Originally by Carolyn Gregoire)

Note: No it's not déjà vu. I did re-post a similar post before here.

As human beings, we generally like to conceive of ourselves as rational creatures. We think logically, make decisions based on the best interests of ourselves and others, and do the things we need to do in order to not just survive, but also thrive in the world.

But we're often unaware of the myriad little — and big — ways that our thinking is irrational and biased. To become the highly-evolved, rational creatures we are today, our brains evolved with certain handy shortcuts (known in psychology as cognitive biases) to help us identify threats and make quick judgments. And even in the modern world, where we don't face threats to our survival every day, they're still very much present, and they shape the way we experience the world and ourselves.

Here are eight common thinking errors and cognitive biases that you may not even be aware of — but that shape the way you view yourself and the world.

Monday, February 17, 2014


Did I mention before that I'm a fast-paced person? The past month of my life feels like a century. I don't even know where to start (therefore I'm not gonna).

Life had been mundane I forgot that my brain's actually quite smart. *chuckle*

And now this disco ball won't stop it goes


... at e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

Sigh. I'm doing that thing again.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Mood swings

There is something to be said about the surrealism of listening to songs that remind you of beach and penthouse parties while you are actually at home, putting on layers to keep warm whilst trying to churn out some homework so that you don't miss any deadlines.

Have you ever noticed how melancholy feelings seem to just come and go? The roller-coaster that seems to go on within your rib cage. At one point, you feel like angels have lent you their wings, and you could just stretch every feather and reach for the skies. While on another, you crave for the very ground that your feet stand on to cave in and swallow you whole, demanding that you suffocate and inhale dirt while you cast your gaze on the fast disappearing sun.

I dream of the ability to just swim in my emotions, to take a look around and wonder, how exactly is it possible for one to feel the clashes of the irony of each feeling. At every corner, you might find a new sensation and head towards pure bliss; but take a wrong corner, you might end up in anxiety.

All I know to do now is to sense my emotions. I don't know yet how to explore them fully. I'm basically at the tip of my emotional iceberg. Although admittedly, there are some that I am so immersed in that I might spew heart-strings.

Never forget the taste of what's delicious, for when you take away the sweetness, what's left is the sour.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Song ruined: Self

So I got bored and made the first ever self-recorded YouTube cover. Yay achievement unlocked.

Please use earphones for higher clarity. Also for my flaws to sound more obvious wtf.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Frailty, thy name is woman.

I'm feeling much better today.

For the past few days I've been having some major blues, and I couldn't figure out why. It could be the weather, but it shouldn't be, because I did go out and although it felt like minus 40 degrees Celsius outside, the sun was bright.

I was in a trance when I took the bus home yesterday, when I realized it the bus already went past a few stops from where I was supposed to get off. So I stayed on the bus, and I felt a sense of calm delight as it drove past the frozen lake covered in snow, into the neighborhood. I felt like I was one with the universe. I felt strong. I felt peace. I felt hope.

But later at night the depression struck again. Guilt and inferiority engulfed me, and told me how I should have practiced more discipline and worked harder for a better future. How I could have handled every single event that happened in the past better. I had all those motivational sayings and optimistic philosophies in my head, but at that point none sounded convincing enough. I felt helpless, and I was in pain, and I didn't even know what initiated it. Have you ever felt so tired of living, and of life? Perhaps life is just painful by nature. Perhaps we were all born to die.

Perhaps it was just the hormones fucking with me, making me bipolar.

Anyway, I'm already feeling much better today.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

MSA Graduation Night '13

MSA = Malaysian Students Association. This was held in April last year before most seniors graduated in May (spring graduation). I waited until now to blog about it because the three people closest to me in Madison only graduated last month (winter graduation)!

I totally ruined the song. Ughhh. We didn't get the chance to rehearse so.... #defensive

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Hi, 2014

So yeah. The previous post is just a summary of things I've done in 2013 with no mention of any personal growth I have gone through. Because jaded it might sound, to me there really wasn't any that's spectacular enough to elaborate on, just the typical— I've become tougher, wiser, more confident, more appreciative towards what I have and clearer about what I want to have. Period.

I still have emotions that go up and down, and I'm still insecure and unsure about a lot of things, and simultaneously excited and afraid about the future. But life's like this isn't it. I think we all swing between states of happiness and fear, satisfaction and laziness, pride and insecurity. Only non-living systems stay in the same state, until they are programmed to fall apart. If you are alive, and not under the influence of pharmaceuticals that claim to make you well, you are going to have to feel all these things.

There are lots of other things I'd like to say, but I don't have the ability to put them into words right now. Too ephemeral. Too inconclusive. Can see, can't define.