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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Goodbye, 2013

2013 has been an eventful and fruitful year!

In January I was back in Malaysia, and I removed 3 wisdom teeth within a week. The one shown this photo was the most horrible one. Unlike in the states, dentists in Malaysia normally performed wisdom tooth surgery without putting the patients to sleep... I couldn't feel it during the procedure, but a few hours after I got home the anesthesia effect started wearing off and extreme pain started kicking in, spreading to the whole left side of my face down my throat. It was more painful than the most painful dysmenorrhea episode I ever had, I was downing pain killer pills until my stomach couldn't take it anymore and I eventually threw up. Thankfully Kitty and WanYu were at my house that night, their presence made the pain more tolerable (and laugh-able too, the way I was weeping and moaning next to a bag full of cotton wool soaked in blood).

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Winter Graduation! (Kitty and Rudy)

I hope you could tell from my distorted face how miserably cold I was. My bangs was fucked up too ughhh
Kitty's ridiculous outfit was another indication how cold it was. Hats off to you, Rudy.

Friday, December 27, 2013

The Hardest Part

What is it exactly that we build love upon? Love that is lustful and romantic and rewarding and jealous and insane and frightening all at the same time. When we say we love someone, what is it exactly that we love? 

Do we love them for what they intrinsically are? Their good genes and commendable upbringing for example. That they are intelligent, good-looking, sweet-natured, passionate but sane, etc. 

Or because of what they are capable of making you into? That they are inspiring, and encouraging, and kind and complementary to your personality such that when you're with them, you feel your life is moving forward and they move along with you. 

Or because you feel you give them a lot, and you feel you're appreciated and wanted, and needed. 

Or because time and chance throws you in together with someone under the most peculiar circumstances and paves a road for you to take?

Fuck knows. I think at the end of the day, despite all of the above, the only way it can work is if you believe it. But it's the same with all the other great motivations in life (love, ideas, expression). You can know all the rules, and you can manufacture the perfect conditions in which to achieve them, but in order for them to happen, you must believe you are capable of achieving them. And that they seek you. And it's the believing in them seeking you, that is the hardest part.

I think at the end of the day, love is essentially a construct like a fine great arch, reaching into the sky. You don't know how it stands, or why it stands. But once upon a time, it was built with scaffolding that is no longer there. And after a time, it doesn't matter what the scaffolding was made off, or how safe or sturdy it was. The arch either stands, or it doesn't, and the idea is to keep it standing.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

I can haz grumpy cat

The semester is over, post-finals week was not any less busy (commencement, snow ball fight, catching up with friends, Christmas' Eve party, Christmas party etc), now only I find time to sit down in front of my laptop and sink in! 

Okay let me resume blogging with this useless post.

So I saw this thing at Urban Outfitters.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Hi, December

But no matter how tensed situations could get,
I can always make a long list of things to be grateful for.

是非 頑張ってくださいね