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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Thursday, September 19, 2013


Note: I'm on a roll since I dug out some old photos for the previous post. All photos below were taken with my first and second Samsung flip phones during my teenage phase.

I was never allowed to leave home except for school, tuition, competitions and outings with family and hence this place– my room, was where I spent most part of life in. 

For more than 6 years this was where I studied hard, rested, read books, fantasized, wrote literature pieces, danced, stared at the ceiling thinking about life in general and what to do with my life, shed tears, self-harmed, meditated, ate, prayed, laughed... and also where I bonded a lot with Notty.

The bottom left photo is the staircase leading to the roof, which is like the 4th level of my house. My father used to keep his birds up there and I went up there a few times to just sit on the roof and feel the wind until the sun set. After I brought Notty home it became the place he did his business (we put sand box there).

Views from my window

My first post-secondary-school ex used to drive to my house past midnight, parked his car under the tree, I'd stand by the window as he stayed in the car, and we'd talk in the phone for hours. Eventually he made it into my house (not by sneaking! as in formally) so he stopped doing that. The relationship wasn't meant to be and didn't last long though, he broke my heart and I broke his but it was nonetheless one of the craziest romantic things a guy ever did for me.

My secondary school, and some random scenes nearby.

The only reason I went to school was because I was required to, as I really didn't learn much in school. Almost all the academical knowledge I gained were either self-taught or from tuition and I spent 1/3 of the time in classes sleeping and the other 2/3 talking to my BFF Loh Min Yi (and trying not to get caught). We did 55% of our homework by coping someone else's answers and the other 45% we didn't even bother wtf. Once in Form 1, I got fucking chosen as 1 of the 5 representatives in class to hand in my Sastera (Malay literature) exercise book (ruled notebook) to the Principal for a spot check and I totally freaked out because I had to bring that whole fucking exercise book containing 5-month-worth of homework from nothing into existence within 3 hours. And I managed to by lightning-speed copying. *smug* But Loh Min Yi even more god-like in Form 2 she managed to keep her mathematics workbook untouched for the whole fucking year and never got caught ಠ_ಠ ccb why so unfair. 

So what did I gain in school then? Oh, I have grown tougher and smarter having to deal with all the bullying (you can read some of it here). I am extremely for the hardships because I was able to differentiate kind souls from the rest and build precious friendships with people who deserve it.

There was a phase where I was either too remote or too emotional... Sometimes when the anger/depression was too much for me to handle, I inflicted physical pain on myself to distract my focus from the mental suffering. Sometimes I would dance in silence and most of the time I'd question God the purpose of life since everyone dies anyway. Eventually I learn to love my life and my body and stopped self-harm altogether. 

It was fun growing this plant for my other ex. I gave it to him, he put it on his balcony, then on one windy day it tumbled over and it experienced a tragic death ಥ_ಥ

And then this post ends abruptly here wtf.

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