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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Prostitute's mentality

"You know what. I will actually consider sleeping with someone in return of a big favor. Provided that it's a person I don't mind, and don't feel cheapened sleeping with. But even if it's someone I don't feel like sleeping with, as long as the favor is huge and there won't be any backlash, I might still consider it."

"I understand the former situation: you get the physical pleasure and perhaps mental satisfaction, and you get something extra out of it, why not? But the latter— "

Well, many women have the prostitute's mentality anyway, only that they don't realize it, or don't admit it. If you ever expect (or worse, demand) guys to pay for your meals, buy you things, take you on vacations, and genuinely believe that the guy you are dating or sleeping with should pay, be honest, it's because you consciously or subconsciously think that they owe you for the sexual favors you will give or has given them. Think about it. Unless he is financially very well-off compared to you and willingly want to spend to have more luxurious time together, what is so great about you that makes you think that you deserve some monetary incentive for staying in a relationship (or in the same bed) with him?

Offering someone the privilege to get intimate with you (whether or not in the name of 'relationship') in exchange of materialistic reward or emotional payment for your dignity is a form of (soft) prostitution too, period.

Of course there exist females who just have sex and leave it at that— those who are really confident. A lot of people are depriving themselves of a great deal of good sex, just because they believe their pleasure needs to be approved first, and be compensated later. Truly confident females behave otherwise: they know there is nothing they should be ashamed of, and do things for the sake of making themselves happy. They don’t need smart-mouthed texts and expensive gifts to prove their self-worth, and don't rely on any silly code of moral behaviors to tell them what will result in the most net gain and what won’t. They lay men just because they can, and want to. 

Technically, free should be worse than cheap isn't it, since expensive is better than cheap. But no, cheap is worse than free, and we now see why it is so.

*read my next post, because you should.


  1. I'm going to have to agree with you on this one. In fact with my last gf, I almost felt obligated to buy her things....and it seems to almost be an unwritten understanding...that our relationship was exactly that type of "give and take" situation.

    I do think that she understood that as well. In fact, it's probably best when both people realize that that is what is essentially going on. To me, being honest about it is better than faking it or pretending that things are different than what they really are...

    1. Well, it takes two to tango. *shrug*

  2. Yeah, that is exactly what I was trying to say. I didn't mind paying for things at all, in fact, I actually liked to buy her things -- shoes, a jacket, a pool cue, etc.

    Sure, I paid for all meals (usually we split them anyway)...and movies, etc.

    I think that I even felt a little guilty when I didn't buy her things if too much time past I'm fully in agreement with you.

    We BOTH understood the unwritten "agreement" that we were both operating under...

    1. There is a reason why I specified "unless he is financially very well-off compared to you and willingly want to spend to have more luxurious time together" :)

      I'm not advocating that letting guys pay for you = having prostitute's mentality; if (any) one willingly treats you meals and buys you gifts, why not? But if you expect it all the time specifically from the person you're dating/sleeping with... well.

      Not that I have issues with it though.

    2. Oh and, you just proved my another point in the newer post— men are willing to pay to get laid, it makes them feel good about themselves and helps them get laid more!