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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Bad jokes

Remember this post? Was looking up my follower list (on Blogger), found out that he hasn't unfollowed me (to date) and actually blogged about me around a year ago! It was too entertaining I just have to share it :D

"Lost a friend. Actually treasured it [1] but never expected that things will would turn out like this. It was a 360 degree twist [2]. Unbelievable and surpriseing. Never Haven't figured out if I should laugh or cry over it. Learned a lesson that you should never ever treat someone as a close friend before you know him or her well enough. [3] Self confessed that I should cut down my craps and get conversation serious enough to start a war. [4] Disappointment mixes with What-the-fuck-ment. All I could say is, sometimes when I act like I don't give a fuck, my middle finger actually does. [5]" (screenshot here)

[1] - Yeah, right, sounds legit.
[2] - Well it wasn't— after all the shits you did, you didn't see it coming?
[3] - Indeed, how can you not know that if I find out people I know are being lied to, I have to tell them? 
[4] - No idea what this means, very powerful English...
[5] - It's either you give a fuck or you don't, acting doesn't save your ego :)


Okay, all jokes aside...

I actually did consider for a reconciliation out of empathy (you have no idea how much empathy I can have even for people you think deserve it the least), but decided against it (surprise surprise).

If you have to sink and think about a decision to be made, listing out and weighing all the pros and cons (not that I did, just giving an example), chances are, you don't really feel like making that decision. If you do, it shouldn't and wouldn't take you so long to consider convince yourself.

Back to why I decided against it, almost without hesitation. It would sound unfair if I were to say 'because my instinct told me so', but the truth is, my instinct was right 99% of the time in the past, and my instinct about people doesn't come baseless— it is constituted by all the small observations made with a reference to psychology knowledge accumulated from reading and real life experiences. And all my encounters with this dude (some were documented here) told me enough about him as a person, especially how little respect he had for me as a female friend and for all the ladies he had romantic interests in.

As expected, his biggest defense about all shits he said— "I was just joking!"

Oh really, habitually throwing humiliating remarks at a friend who rarely did so to you was actually funny, cooking up story about how an attached girl tried to chat you up on MSN but blocked you right after she found out that you had a girlfriend was kinda amusing, and repeatedly expressing interest in the apple of your bro's eyes was over-the-top hilarious. The best joke of all time? Placing his lips on a female's right cheek, after a clear rejection to his request. Maybe I lack sense of humor by a great deal, but explain to me, how were asking to sleep on the same bed and actually attempting to stay on my bed just some harmless jokes?

I was thinking, maybe I wasn't stern enough with him, maybe he didn't find what he said (and did) insulting, maybe my tolerating gave him the wrong ideas, but I talked to some people and they convinced me otherwise. Any grown-up with two brain cells together can tell what's offensive and what's not (especially when you crack jokes that are personal attacks in disguise), what's true and what's not (when you claim a story that only exists in your head actually happened, it's called lying), what's morally acceptable and what's not (hiding from every girl you're dating that you're also having several flings simultaneously is definitely not morally acceptable, don't even argue on this), etc.

Of course you can still be at good terms or even, remain friends with people like this as long as you're directly involved, it's not something that I'll do and feel proud of, but I totally understand. I too, still keep someone I deeply despise on my Facebook (and I don't even care to justify it).

My point is, I can't stand people who never repent their mistakes. There are people who did worse things to me or to others, but once they regretted it and tried to make it up to me (or to the victims), I'm totally fine interacting with them again. How deep one can come into my life again would depend on the level of sincerity shown and how much I like him/her as a person, but for me to let go of my grudges, willingness and courage to admit faults would suffice. Yeah, people change, he might have changed by now, not that I don't have ways to figure out whether he does, I simply can't be bothered to, and he hasn't reached out for me anyway. The fact that neither of us care to mend the friendship is itself a good indication how much we dislike each other and how groundless our past friendship was, so there.

By the way, since I mentioned it, I would like to elaborate on the harassment part for a bit.

A simple hug or a kiss may be considered sexual harassment if these behaviors are persistent and unwanted by the victim. (#13) If you research further, unwelcome is the keyword for any form of sexual harassment. And guys know it when they are making sexual advances, whether they are fully conscious, drunk, or high, they know when they are taking advantage of females.

I'm not trying to say that all females are always innocent, but you just have to accept that we live in a sexist society where females are more protected by laws when it comes to this, because after all, how hard is it for a guy to leave the scene when a female makes sexual advances that are unwelcome? Now reverse the situation and see if you can say the same. I know some definitions are vague, but the easiest way to determine whether an act is to be regarded as sexual harassment: imagine some sweaty pervert doing it to a female you love, like say, your mother, sister or your girlfriend/wife, will it be okay?

Now, tell me if it's perfectly fine to kiss a girl in a relationship (not with you) on the cheek after she told you no. Tell me, if it's more acceptable if the female in question is open-minded, and is the guy's prom partner.

Answering yes to my last question basically equals saying a liberated female deserves to get raped by the guy she goes out with. And from where did the mindset that an open-minded female will welcome any sexual advance from anyone, anytime and anywhere come from?

Yes I'm liberated, but I'm extremely selective; that being said, even if a female is not as selective, even if she's not attached at the moment, even if she occasionally flirts with you (not that I flirted him, not in my definitions at least, and I rarely flirt anyone), even if she lets herself get really wasted in your presence, it is legally and morally not okay for you to make any move before knowing for sure (the safest way is by asking and getting a verbal, conscious yes) she will welcome it.

I hate it when ungentlemanly guys use women's open-mindedness as a ticket to be disrespectful. If and only if there are easy, convenient ways to teach them a lesson without having to through all the hassles of lawful procedures.

Then again...

"You can't undumb people," said Rudy.



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