Instagram feed ✿

I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Cheap vs Modesty

Note: I would appreciate it if you read the below article first before you proceed to read my arguments at the bottom, but you don't have to, my arguments did not stem from the article.

Her Love Comes Cheaply (by Isabella Chen)

There are some men who react very violently when you mention the word slut in their presence. I love men like that. They are considerate, and more importantly, know that having sex does not demean a person.

Everyone has different intentions each time they have sex, and satisfaction from sex is the most price discriminate good you can purchase, and the price cannot possibly be set on dates, flowers and a promised eternal loyalty. Sometimes you just want to have sex for fun, and I cannot possibly see how that should make you any cheaper.

Some people say it cheapens the sacredness of sex. Well, it’s been proven that people can love in an infinite number of ways (the economist has classified it into three), in which case it would also mean that people can have sex, and feel a different emotion, each time, and with each different person. Sex does not have to be sacred all the time for it to fulfill it's function, although it does have to be satisfying. It's at your disposal for you to use in order to attain satisfaction, not something to taunt and torment you; money is for you to spend, not keep for Kingdom Come and your children to burn on the seventh month when you've gone to hell. 

I believe in knowing what I want from each endeavor as an individual, and knowing how I can get the exact price in satisfaction paid. It’s the same for everyone, it just requires different combinations in uh… the basket of goods you wish to trade (dinner, wine, prior relationship with the person or how well you know each other etc). The good is not sex, it’s satisfaction, and sex is one of the ways through which you obtain it. As in the case of the acquiring of anything, there are ethical ways to do it, and therefore intents that can be spawned of either selfish or compassionate thought.

Well, here’s a thought: ‘Smutty’ people are more capable of compassion simply because they have been blessed by so many other people that they have more to give. Poverty is not holy, and maintaining celibacy, even though it may be a torture, and it makes your mind sick, is not noble. But it must be noted that there is a difference in the genuine conviction of wanting to keep yourself pure for the right one and a blind devotion to something you don’t quite understand yourself. Aside from the fact that it sometimes makes you feel superior to the people who lack self-control. (Ahem, and you lack common sense)

Of course while thinking about the price of the sort of satisfaction you wish to acquire through sex, I always thought, well, what about the prostitutes?

Firstly, I do not think anyone that sleeps for money is cheap. In fact, I do not think anyone is cheap at all. No one has the right to judge another person’s self-worth. You CAN have pity for them, if they have a lot of mindless sex for the sake of reaffirming their self-worth, or have to do it to live; in either situation, they just need someone to come in and help them out. But you’ve no right to value them, even if you do know them. It upsets me sometimes, that some people can separate sex from their emotions, and will do it, even if it disturbs them.

I do look at some girls and think that they ARE cheap. But then, that’s what a lot of people think of me too, and I don’t think that way of myself, obviously. Not anymore, anyway. Perhaps I’ve just lost the reservations I’d used to have years ago; which is to me, a good thing. Since I’m a lot happier now that I’ve stopped thinking of sex as wrong. I was going to have as much of it as I wanted, regardless, anyway.

And the truth is, even after I’ve slept with a number of people, I’ve still managed to have sex and feel intense love, and a passionate sense of self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice is a terrible word to use in this case, it’s something more like, a passionate spiritual, sexual moment. Think an eros-agape emotion. Sex, for me, has not loss any of its meaning. It’s just acquired more than one.

Without meaning to go into theology; but I am very Christian in my beliefs and thoughts, if everyone was precious to Christ, then no one can possibly be cheap in his love. The little whore selling herself for the newest Nokia phone might look cheap to you, but she’s precious to someone else, so don’t go trying to value her worth.

Besides, valuing something as intangible and more then anything, grounded wholly in emotion as satisfaction is, is simply impossible. And honestly, the best investment (note I did not use payment) any one can put into sex is emotion, because it’s what it’s all about in the first place. Tangible commodities are certainly important to any female, because it’s biological to be attracted to providers with the capability to provide, but it’s more then that. There is a criteria, a minimum price for sex in each female individual, but after that has been met, what matters is the generosity of spirit that is revealed.

As long as I know that spirit exist within the other person, he doesn’t have to be showing it to me all the time.

Honestly, the whole idea of labeling someone as cheap is just extremely antiquated, and completely callous.

Men who do it are prone to rape, and not necessarily the sort that’s not condoned by the law. They are those that go, ‘She’s a cheap slut, lets just fuck her’. They clearly lack maturity, and obviously do not get laid enough.

Women that do it are the worst sort of feminists possible. They are so edgy, anal and materialistic they feel the need to humiliate women who understand that there’s more to sexual satisfaction then just the tangible basket of goods they demand. Because they are clearly a threat, when in reality, they are their own adversary. But what I feel most ironic about women like these is that, on the one hand, they are pimping girl power, screaming, you’ve got pussy so subjugate the men with it; on the other, they criticize people when they use it. Because it’s always ‘too cheap a price’. But it’ll never be the right price, because you’ll never see what was really exchanged. All this while feeling very violently about how sex should be extremely sacred to a woman, and only given in the face of promised eternal loyalty (oh, but also along with the basket of good, of course).

Sacredness my ass.

Because it is pretty enough for you to worship.


Reblogging the article above is just an extreme rebut to this video shared on Facebook which states something along the lines of "women should be modest, and wearing a bikini is against modesty because it invites men to lust". I see it as bullshit. Who do these people think they are to set the standard of how much skin shown = obscenity? This is like forcing all women to wear hijab because, well,  heterosexual men are some vulnerable creatures which will lose mind-control every time feminine figures are presented in front of their eyes. The only difference here is that these Christian people do not press on a full hijab but decide to ditch only bikinis.

(seems like these people don't really like getting tanned by sun)

Anything can be obscene, it's just how you look at it, and how you make other people look at it. Casual home-wear of baggy T-shirt and shorts with floral prints or usual campus outfit of long-sleeved shirt and tight jeans can be modest to you and obscene to other people. There is no way you can control the what people regard as obscene, so why bother. Of course it's completely fine to me if you wanna abide to your definition of modesty by referring to the most widely-accepted codes for 'modest dressing'; I actually have no problems with some Muslim women's preference to cover themselves up in full hijab (including the eyes!) or never go out at all. In what ways you want to carry yourself is completely your freedom of choice, I doubt that any religion in this world demands its believers to judge people by that instead of respecting how people choose to live their lives. The most fundamental indication of respect is definitely not by shoving your values into people's faces and deny/demean theirs.

(I know it's their freedom of speech like how I am practicing mine now, I'm just getting more and more annoyed by self-righteous people lately especially after those few days spent in self-loathe, so let me whine.)

(Wait. Everyone has freedom of actions too, that doesn't mean it's right to do whatever you want? But I am not sure if I would like it better that they preach to demean the values they disagree with and expose themselves to criticism which might change their mindsets some day, or just keep their self-righteous, judgmental mindsets to themselves and be forever ignorant)

To be honest, this is the reason why I was irritated (and I also did this before, which is more likely to be viewed as 'obscene'). Taking those photos and having them publicized on my blog are not with the intention to evoke men's libido, I just think that my body is beautiful and the photos are beautiful too, and people like seeing beautiful things, so why not? In fact I see what I did as a pretty healthy thing, I really don't think wearing bikini will cause men to fantasize about women (how perverted do you think all men are, seriously? Let's just have a reality check, not all women have what it takes to be fantasized about). The deciding key is more on how attractive a woman is and/or how lustful a man is. If it's natural for human to lust, isn't it also an instinct to want to lure?

If what they meant to say is that lusting is unethical in Christian context, the way they put it is more like promoting rape culture– teaching women not to get raped rather than teaching men not to rape. Unless they are trying to advocate that women should not lure, with the definition of wearing bikini = luring. But think about it, would you ask all rich people to stop showing their wealth in order to not evoke jealousy among the poorer? And smart people should hide their intelligence so that stupid people will not be hateful?

Everything comes down to one point: don't judge, respect.

(I know I am judging them; ironical as it sounds, I am already very nonjudgmental by only judging people who judge.)


  1. We are all conditioned from a young age to think a certain way -- it's best for everyone to come to their own understanding about things.

    The key is, that we all make least we later recognize previous things that we did or said as to me, continuous improvement, growth, and continued learning and understanding is what is most important.

    1. Yeah :) That is like the general rules to all human behaviors. All mistakes made are due to the damages from within.

  2. Oh...I just read this on UberFacts yesterday and this post seemed to be a perfect spot for it:

    The word "slut" was originally used to describe a woman who didn't keep her room clean."

    LOL You are a "slut" aren't you? Admit it! Ha.

    1. My room is clean, just untidy. LOL!

  3. I'm on vacation this busy?