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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Au fond, ça m'est bien égal

I hate afternoons. Or precisely, I hate staying awake at home in the afternoon. I hate the sun, the heat, the dizziness the sun and the heat give me. I was supposed to finish a lab report and study for a midterm now, but I was soooo sleepy. It doesn't how many hours of sleep I had the previous night, my brain just can't function in the afternoon. Can you imagine how easily I dozed off in the afternoon, like, even in the middle of conversational practice in Japanese class?

Anyway, I am glad that I did not turn a weekend afternoon nap into a 6-hour sleep today, thanks to the terribly horrid dream— I was in a splendid orgy, then the scene went through some Inception-ish shits and turned into... incest rape. YIKESSSS. I woke up in disgust, deeply convinced that I really, really have to find the time to seek professional help for my stress/anxiety/depression issues as soon as possible.

Kitty is still in Brazil, and is on a road trip now. He was depressed before he left his host family for the road trip, because he felt like he went all the way to Brazil but accomplished and gained almost nothing from the volunteer work (he went there to teach unfortunate kids English, but they didn't have a syllabus, and the kids were simply uninterested to learn a new language). Basically our school's AISEC didn't do anything constructive except finding him a host family to stay with. So Kitty left a complain on their Facebook page, and they promptly deleted his post without giving any explanation privately. What kind of organization handle things this way?! If you can't take honest feedback, don't even allow wall posting in the first place. So fucking rude. I am pissed, I asked Kitty to make it big, but he wanted to discuss with his friend who is from another AISEC first to see what is the best thing to do. I bet he will end up letting it slip. Bummer.

I talked to a dear friend recently, it feels great to talk to smart people who are worth your time and attention, imma start doing it more. I rarely do online chatting, which also means that I almost never catch up with my close friends (it's hard when you have at least 30 close friends) unless something big happens in my life. So it's actually not surprising that I totally forgot that I have been giving this dear friend my Facebook passwords for the past 3 years. What surprised me more, was that an unpleasant incident 3 years ago still haunts him (although he is in denial). I guess it's because he never really puts in efforts to move on, you know, develop new hobbies, make new friends, date new people etc. Moving on has never been hard for me, you just have to be determined enough to start life anew. Most people tend to linger in the past.

My lab partner is an English major and he asked me what are my favorite books. Turned out we are both big fans of Harry Potter, and I told him aside from the Harry Potter books, I like Nakobov's Lolita and Müller's The Hunger Angel. He asked if I have read Kafka on the Shore after I told him that I'm learning Japanese, and then only I remember that I like Haruki Murakami's books a lot too, it didn't cross my mind because I read his books in Chinese and I didn't expect English-speaking people to know Murakami (村上春树). But the truth is, aside from Lolita, I actually don't remember much of the story lines of these literature pieces, because when I read these books, I focus more on enjoying how the author creates a scene using language than making sense of the plots. It's like, every paragraph is gold, I feel guilty to casually move on to the next paragraph before I absorb each drop of its greatness. Ended up I remember excerpts better than the overview.

Here is an excerpt from Heller's Catch 22 I would like to share with you:

The Chaplin had sinned and it was good. Common sense told him that telling lies and defecting from duty were sins. On the other hand everyone knew that sin was evil, and that no good could come from evil. But he did feel good; he felt positively marvelous. Consequently, it followed logically that telling lies and defecting from duty could not be sins. The chaplain had mustard, in a moment of divine intuition, the technique of protective rationalization, and he was exhilarated by his discovery. It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue, and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice.
Anybody could do it, it required no brains at all, it merely required no character.

On a side note, I found out that the kaypos don't really read my blog nowadays, they only look at the obvious and make stories out of it. Which means I shouldn't feel held back anymore when I write things here, they are too stupid to be able to complete a puzzle anyway, and they really aren't interested to find out how awesome my life has gotten! *giggles*

Oh and, I am again amazed by how people can be so stubborn sometimes... You know, the kind of weird logic people have when a relationship/friendship screws up— "It didn't work out the first time, well, it didn't work out the second and the third time too, but if I keep trying and work hard enough, one day I can turn charcoal into diamond; and I must not give up because I have donated half of my wealth to the casino, I must gamble my remaining wealth hoping that it can bring me some compensation."— bravo brother, bravo.

(Update: although in most cases, if you try hard enough, I suppose there are still chances an initially incompatible match will work out, I just don't understand why wouldn't these people just look for a better match instead)

The lesson is, never give relationship advice unless you're asked to even when you're asked to, unless you are positive that your advice will be taken into serious account. Except when you care deeply for that person you have to try slap some senses into his/her head, or when you simply don't give a hoot about that person at all your feelings won't be hurt whether or not he/she listens to your advice. Otherwise, don't bother wasting your energy. Their choices, their lives.

However, if you really want my advice for friendship and relationship, here are some ultimate rules:
    1) Don’t bother with anyone that isn't very fond of spending time with you.
    2) Don’t bother with anyone that doesn't support the person you are.
    3) Don’t ever dare even try it with someone that would want to change you.

And rule #4, only for relationship and friend-with-benefits-ship,
    4) Don’t bother with someone that’s bad in bed.

Of course, unless you're also bad in bed, or too inexperienced to tell, or opt for celibate/platonic relationship.

My condolence to all the orgasms you have been missing.





1 comment:

  1. Wow, I missed a LOT of posts. I was in Italy for a week or so....

    I hope you didn't miss me....LOL

    ReplyDelete