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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Friday, December 28, 2012

First 4.0 GPA in life :)

(16 credit hours taken, 13 are counted towards graduation, 10 are graded)

It wasn't a fully science semester, but hey, I barely passed Introduction to Organic Chemistry and now I got fucking A in Intermediate Organic Chemistry!!! It was truly a miracle how The Secret and The Magic helped me overcome phobia and severe exam anxiety for ochem. I am grateful :)

I also completed 6 online courses and mice surgical handling training. Now I am an authorized mice user and will be starting a proper hematopoietic stem cell research next semester! :D

It feels so good to know that I do have what it takes to achieve my ambitions :)

I know it always seems like confidence is what I was born with, especially in academic stuff, but you have no idea how I once lost it. Completely.

Unfamiliarity with U.S teaching method (more precisely, UW-Madison style of teaching), stiff competitiveness among students (curved grading), inconsiderate roommates (or should I say, ignorant, selfish assholes), long-distance relationships... and severe exam anxiety for ochem. Oh Lord. You dunno how frustrating it was to score almost-perfect scores in quizzes and then flunked all midterms due to this stupid anxiety/phobia thing. Mind goes blank, alphabets look like alien symbols, hands shivering, clock ticking, and puff—  everything studied before returns to zero.

I made it through my first semester though. Results weren't great, but not too bad. I did okay (I thought I did terrible, now I'd say I did okay compared to my second semester).

I didn't expect things to be worse, but... well, I was too ambitious, and overestimated myself. The next semester, I took 5 science courses and almost died. Had to drop Intermediate Organic Chemistry, which at that moment took most of my time yet seemed to have very little hope to pass. With the help mainly from my faculty advisor, I was granted a late drop right before the 3rd midterm. Thank God.

Too bad it was a little too late; damages to my other courses had been done. I was at my lowest point in my life. I even thought I would be sent back to Malaysia by my sponsor... I literally wanted to stand in the middle of the road and let a truck run across me. The genetics course I thought I was gonna ace, fml, the professor from China set the final paper fully math-based and I bid farewell to my A.

But I survived. My advisor said I already got rid of the toughest courses altogether in that semester and I shall ace the rest of the semesters till my graduation!

I realized the true reason behind these continuous hardships some time in the middle of second semester. But I didn't have the will to put The Secret in full use after abandoning the practice for 2 years plus... It was The Magic that saved me. I started to count my blessings everyday, and drown myself in overwhelming gratitude for everything in my life. There were still stress/panic attacks, but I tried my best to maintain positivity.

Then everything else just rearranged itself onto the right track!!! I never felt so... confident, tranquil, blessed, delightful. I never felt so good about life. I dunno how to describe the magnificence of gratitude to you... It's like I am reborn. It's like... my surviving phase has come to an end and I am finally living my life with full integrity!

Thank you God! Thank you Rhonda Bryne! Thank you Universe! Thank you my family! Thank you my partner! Thank you my friends! Thank you my mentors in lab! Thank you my professors! Thank you my advisors! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I can never thank everybody enough... thank you :')

Also, (ranting is not tolerated by Rhonda Bryne's teachings but heck, don't care, let me get this off my chest) thank Lord I got rid of  the credited but not counted towards graduation and not graded ESL (English as a Second Language) course which was a total waste of my time. My first English semester was taught by a woman professor (all female professor in the ESL department are strict and picky bitches). This semester... I was like the only one— okay, one of the only two— who actually paid full attention to the poor hippie professor. You can't imagine how it was like to sit through a English tuition class 3 times a week with 10+ China students (except one Japanese) who have fucked up grammar, terrible articulation yet are cocky, rude and ignorant. They conversed in Mandarin when the professor was teaching, and in half of the their conversations, they were either criticizing/making fun of the professor/Americans in general, or talking about how great everything about China is. Why the fuck are you doing here if you're so patriotic and anti-America?! Let's just admit that you too submit to the superiority of an American degree. Morons.

The most epic episode with these China classmates, before a class near the end of the semester...

Professor: Cinrol, is your ethnicity Chinese or Malaysian?
Me: Chinese. Malaysian is a nationality. The ethnicity of major population in Malaysia is called Malay.
Guy A: 啊原来你是中国人?!(Ah so you are Chinese!)
Me: 华族。我是马来西亚人。(My ethnicity is Chinese. I am a Malaysian.)
Guy A: 你会说汉语?!我还以为你不懂汉语!(You know Mandarin?!! I thought you don't know Mandarin!)

(dude, I have already said I understand 8 languages and can speak 5 of them fluently when I introduced myself on the first day of class... You did not listen to my introduction???!)

*he returned to his seat*

Guy A: 还以为她不懂汉语…… (thought she don't understand Mandarin...)
Guy B: 啊那我们之前说什么她都听得懂?(Ah so she understood what we have been talking about?)

They already found out that I do understand Mandarin and they still talk so loud about me in Mandarin...

Now you know why I call them "China students" instead of "Chinese students"... it's to draw distinction between ethnicity Chinese and nationality Chinese. I have been telling people I am a Malaysian... I'd rather people mistake me as a Malay than to think I come from China. Introducing myself as a Malaysian saves a lot of explanation too. Most Americans dunno that Malaysia is multi-racial and and I really hate going through the same explanation part to clear the misconception that Malaysian Chinese and Indians are immigrants... oh well, some of our racist Malay governors and citizens thought so too, even though the Chinese and Indian populations have been present in Tanah Melayu for like 400 years.

(shit... Rhonda Bryne is right. I should not rant... now the tone of my grateful post has turned bitchy and I dunno how to revert it... okay, let's try...)

But I am grateful that (taught by Rhonda Bryne too, it's a way to resume gratitude haha) a semester with those China students actually made me learn to eliminate my prejudice against China students. Because I felt bad for judging them merely based on the traits they showed in class... A few of them was actually friendly to me. Bad students, yes; doesn't mean they are bad human beings! And not all students from China are like them, I do have friends from China who are respectable :)

Anyway, I just want to say that this first ever GPA 4.0 means a lot to me, and I should do my best to get  more GPA 4.0 in the remaining 4 semesters :) Next semester I am taking at least 10 credit hours of science courses (I am still on waiting list for a 2-credit-hours lab course) and Second Semester Japanese. What I am more thrilled about is that I will be starting to go deeper in research!!! Have to complete Sophomore Year Project (I haven't got rid of it cuz I am a transfer student) and submit Junior Year proposal before Feb 13 to apply for funding (meaning I only have less than 3 weeks to do it ahhhhh) and start Senior Year Research Thesis! That spells s-t-r-e-s-s but I am gonna nail it by hook or by crook!!!

Bright future, I am coming!!!


  1. Wow, Congrats on your 4.0 GPA! Way to go!

    I would be very proud if I were you. I graduated with a Chemistry degree with a 3.0 GPA. But I worked and paid for my entire college and I didn't really study much.

    In the end, what is important is that you get into a good company, and then do well in each job you have there to build up your pay and reputation -- hopefully, until you can retire and enjoy your freedom from work.

    Keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you! :D

      Tertiary education is just a stepping stone they say, but as an international student who can never afford the tuition fee without a scholarship, I need to make sure my stepping stone is big and solid...

      You must be real smart to graduate with 3.0 without even studied much! Some of my American course mates are like you, work/party all the time and still get good scores with ease-- wish I have brain like you all's! Maybe what I should work on now is to study more efficiently!