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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

In memory of Notty, our most beloved babycat

As I mentioned, on July 20, 2012, my most loved babycat Notty lost his battle to feline distemper (panleukopenia viral infection) and left the world. This post is written in memory of Notty... it's gonna be very very long and photo-heavy. I will try not to be repeat things I have blogged about before. (you can read all posts about Notty HERE)

2 years ago, I adopted a ginger tabby kitten. He was tiny, very fluffy, and his fur coat was near orange.

The moment I came in contact with him, I knew he was the cat. He was the one. He was the soul pet I have been looking for!!!

I adopted him and kept him in my room for the whole semester :D

Notty became my living alarm clock. He would wake me up around 6am to feed him, either by meowing or walking on my body  Sometimes he would sit beside my pillow and watched me wake up. My blinking motion would catch his attention and he would use his paw to touch my lashes. Usually the time I wanted to sleep was the time he was most hyper -.- but I didn't mind it at all. He slept in my laundry basket, sometimes on my stomach or my neck 

Notty sleeping on me and in the laundry basket

Notty kept me accompanied (I didn't have a roommate) and entertained :) My floor-mates who are also cat-lovers would come to my room and play with him, or offer him treats. When I went out for classes and meals, I always looked forward to go back to my room. Notty usually snoozed on my blanket when I was not in the room, and as I opened the door he would wake up and come to me 

One time I was crying on my bed, Notty approached and licked my tears away. When I went awwww in my heart, he approached again and bit my face wtf. I was angry and amused and immediately stopped emo-ing. He loved playing with my hands, he would bite and scratch but I was willing to endure the pain because I loved watching him attack wtf. He would lowered his body, flattened his ears backward, aimed and sprang!!! ATTACK!!! Bite bite bite scratch scratch. I had to put on gloves when I played with him wtf. And I bit him back once. Changed my mind forever. I will never want to revenge that way anymore because... because... you try. Bite a furry plushie if you don't have a furry pet. You will know. Lol wtf.

His nose was black and crusty due to fungal infection, I had it taken care of before he was brought home.

It was my happiest semester in INTI-IU :')

Few days before the semester was over, I came clean to my mom about Notty. My mom never allowed us to keep any furry pets at home (Donut and I both had asthma when we were kids), and she instantly said no in the phone. After the call, I sent the pictures of Notty to my dad, I guessed Notty was too cute and my dad said yes. Plus Donut was no longer a small kid sensitive to fur and dirt. So my mom compromised. I was sooo happy I didn't have to abandon Notty :')

I was worried that Notty might annoy my mom on the way back home, but when Notty was in the car, he did not make noise, pee or poop :D He just walked back and forth exploring the back seat. After a while, he tried to squeeze himself in between my lap and the door. I put him on my lap, he curled up and fell asleep.

I remember mom asked, "where is that thing?" then she turned, saw Notty snoozing on my lap and went, "wah need to sleep on your lap one ah?"

That moment I felt like a proud mom. *beam*

this was when I first brought Notty back home

I was afraid that Notty would mess up the whole house and annoy my parents (and make them change their minds about keeping him) so I kept him in my room on the first 2 day... including his litter box. WRONG MOVE. My room is air-conditioned (hence the windows were closed) and on the second night, he had his bowel motion when I was sleeping. The next morning, when my parents woke me up they were pissed with the stink in my room. Plus I was hiding in my room with Notty for 2 days. Of course I defended Notty. Fights. Dad threatened to send me back to INTI for the semester break if I insisted to keep Notty (is it just my parents or most typical Asian parents have anger management issue?). I packed my luggage.

Then mom cried (as the older she gets the more frequent she cries wtf). She begged me to abandon Notty and said she was worried that Notty would transmit some diseases to me and spoiled my future bla bla bla. I begged her back, to let me keep Notty. But I failed to convince my parents because they are both not much educated and stubborn. Finally I gave in. Tears from people I love is always my deadly weakness. I agreed to let my parents release him on the next day.

But I was crying non-stop the whole night. As I watched Notty sleeping on a box at the corner, pain struck me... Poor little innocent thing didn't know that he's gonna be thrown away soon... I wasn't sure if he could make it outside for long, because something was wrong with his hind leg, and he didn't have pointy nails to fight with other stray animals (I cut his nails short), and he was pampered by me and might not have survival skills (it's different from living in a hostel area where my cat-lover friends would search for him and feed him everyday before I kidnapped him)...... the more I imagined the more sad I became. Then I blamed myself for bringing him home, because he might have a better chance of survival if I left him at the campus... or gave him away to my friends... my tears wouldn't stop falling.

That night I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up at midnight, I saw Notty approaching. I lifted my blanket, he went under the blanket and slept in my arms.

The next morning, my dad walked into my room, "where is that thing?"

"Here..." I lifted my blanket.

"See? See? Like this how to let you keep him? Animals are not clean and you sleep with the cat near your face."

"He came to sleep here himself..."

"Don't bluff. You put him there after he fell asleep."

I suggested to give Notty away to a local pet store and they agreed. After lunch I started crying again. Guess it kinda surprised my parents cuz I rarely cried out of sadness (tears are usually my body reaction to rage). In the car, dad had a change of mind :'D so instead of giving Notty, we bought a cage for him and I promised to keep Notty at a 'safe distance' (meaning he was not allowed to go into my bedroom and be held close to my face etc -_-). When we were in the pet store, my dad asked the store owner whether it's dangerous to keep a cat in the house (seriously wtf) and to sniff him (I fucking love that). The store owner confirmed that inter-species disease transmission won't happen and my dad was convinced on spot. LIKE WTF I HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU ALL SO FUCKING MANY TIMES AND YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN TO YOUR SCIENCE-MAJOR DAUGHTER WTF ARE PARENTS LIKE THISSSSS

Anyway I was super relieved and happy Notty could stay! Surprisingly mom was okay with it too! When we reached home, we put the cage at the door (staircase area), Notty was locked up in it and he meowed non-stop for 2 freaking hours, and suddenly my mom said it's okay to let him run free in the house as long as he didn't into the bedrooms! :D :D :D :D :D

The rules changed in very short time because Notty was truly adorable  at first my mom was still strict about keeping Notty out of the bedrooms and kitchen table. One time Notty jumped onto the stove and my mom actually turned on the fire to burn him and I WAS SO FUCKING PISSED because although Notty jumped off quick enough, he had some fur melted and I could smell the burned hair!!! But soon all the rules were abolished. My mom fed him a lot and he grew up really fast!

Notty was soon allowed to be in my bedroom again :)


I left Notty at home and went back to INTI-IU for the last semester in Malaysia. When I went back home again, he was already the size of an adult cat and he recognized me :') I know he did because the moment I squatted beside him, he bit my hands wtf.

Under my encouragement (wtf), he started biting all other family members too and no one ever punished him! We had our solution hiak hiak hiak. Every time after dad bathed Notty, dad would cut his nails short. And we used sandpaper to make pom-pom for Notty (cats like to catch and bite fluffy-looking things we hold up in the air). But Notty was only cheated for the first time and instantly grew fear for that fake pom-pom toy lol. Dad came out with another more violent solution, which was to rub sandpaper on his teeth once we caught him yawning wtf. His bites definitely hurt less but not much difference so we slowly stopped smooth-ing his teeth.

Then he developed more different sneaky ways to give us love bites. The first way was by unnoticeably passing by the chair/coach when we didn't pay attention, bit our feet real hard and quickly ran away. The second way was by pretending to be asleep at the staircase, and when we went upstairs/downstairs, he would suddenly spring up and chase after our walking feet and ATTACK!!! It was quite dangerous, we ourselves might slip as we had to avoid getting bitten and at the same time avoid stepping on him, so after a while we carried a broom with us when we walked on staircase. The third way the most unpredictable, cuz sometimes when we were walking in the house, he would appear out of nowhere and chase after our feet wtf. Once I accidentally 'kiap'-ed his leg between my legs during the game, he screamed and ran off and refused to come near me for 3 days, although I kept apologizing to him T_T

That 2 months at home before I flew here, I blogged and played with Notty every night until 6am. Notty was my knight against cockroach attack :') My aunt usually went downstairs (my family live on the 3rd level, gram and aunt live on 2nd and the 1st level is my aunt's Chinese medicine store) around 5-6am to prepare breakfast, and Notty would rush down to explore the place once he heard my aunt open the door. Then he would sleep behind the door (staircase) when my aunt opened the store for business at 9. Around 1pm he would come upstairs and scream outside my bedroom door, until mom opened my door and let him in. He would then squeeze himself in between my legs and doze off 

This was how Notty snatched my attention from the internet... Sometimes he would jump up from the back of the table and land on the laptop lid, then the lid plus his 5kg body weight on top smacked down on my typing fingers, then I would scream and he would run off to hide!!! Naughty Notty is naughty! Most of the time he would walk across my keyboard when I was typing -_- or curled up on the keyboard and refused to leave. But when I gave him attention, he would give his attention to the lizards in the storeroom. BOSS WHAT DO YOU WANT

I was so sad to leave Notty before I flew over :( My mom was complaining because I didn't feel sad to leave them, but the thing was, I know I could talk to them and update them via skype, but it wasn't the same for Notty... he wouldn't know where I went, and he wouldn't know how much I miss him :'(

Now that I recall, it was a bit rush when I left home, I didn't spend time to give Notty a last hug and let him give his last bites before I left home... I didn't know it was the last time I saw Notty :( :( :(

(guilt kicked in again... nice)

The first time I called home on skype, Notty heard my voice and immediately ran into my room to look for me. My mom told me and my tears rolled down like mad. She said he was emotional after I left and he didn't let anyone in the house to touch him. He missed me :'(

(when I get done with this post, I might kill myself out of guilt wtf)

Life went on. Weekly skype session was one of my favorite activities here, cuz apart from talking to family members, I got to see Notty :D :D :D Studying abroad was hard, but imagining the day I go home and Notty waiting by the door never failed to motivate me... I had the picture of Notty right beside the picture of my parents on my laptop wallpaper. The end of last semester, I even printed the pictures out to practise The Magic.

Mom had to lift the chair cuz I left & Notty wouldn't let people touch him.

Then bad things happened.

I really never expected shits like thess would happen to Notty all of a sudden. (more details HERE) I thought he would recover and be healthy again, because based on the research I did, 85% cats can have full recovery if they survive the first 48 hours of infection. I thought that this December 26, Notty would welcome my return to home by giving me bites... but reality said otherwise.

When he passed away, I was out having the last photo-shooting session with ShihYuin and WeiTing before they left USA. For some reason I did not hear my phone ringing, or my phone did not ring at all... After we were done with the bikini shots, WeiTing and I went inside Memorial Union to change our clothes. While changing, I felt a sudden uneasiness, and the next image that crossed my mind was my phone, I instantly had a feeling that my mom must have sent me some updates about Notty. I started searching for the small purse where I kept my important stuff, and I couldn't remember which bag I threw the purse into. (I brought along a total of 4 bags containing clothes, accessories, shoes and petticoat)

"WeiTing did I leave my phone at your house? I couldn't find it..."

"Shouldn't be... I checked all the places before we left."

I calmed myself down and went out of the washroom with WeiTing, and when we were waiting for ShihYuin to join us, I found my phone.

Then I saw the text messages. Then mom was crying on the phone telling me how much she missed Notty... my tears rolled down but I quickly forced myself to stop crying (I was with make-up on) and not to feel the sorrow before I got done with the photo-shooting.

I broke down once I was back in my room. It was a long while ago since I cried like that. I blamed myself for not going back this summer to see Notty. I should have flown back straight away once I knew he was sick... but I was selfish. I thought he could make it. He suffered for 3 weeks waiting for me to go home... but I disappoint him. I was a shitty master, I picked him up, had a bit fun with him, locked him up in the house and left him behind... I didn't even care to ask my family members to bring him to vet regularly for injection. 

And I trouble my mom so much when Notty was sick... she had to send him to vet (cuz dad insisted cats had nine lives and need no medication), visit Notty everyday for 2 weeks, brought him back home and force-fed him for 1 week, and then watched him suffocate to death in front of her eyes... and since she had Notty around for the past 1.5 years, she had to bare triple my pain for losing him... Everything was all my fault :(

all left are memories

Notty screamed every time mom visited him in the vet. And he was screaming in the car all the way back when mom fetched him home, mom kept telling him "mao we are going home now... we are going home..." once he reached home, he did not utter a sound anymore till he died.

Notty knew where his home was and he wanted to spend his last days at home...

(congratulations I finally broke down crying again...)

When he was back home for half a day before they sent him to a second vet, he ran straight up to the 4th level (a small area to access the roof) to sleep. This time he did not even have the energy to run upstairs anymore, he was just sleeping in the storeroom downstairs all the time, except when my family members went to talk to him and force-fed him. As described by mom, his nose was blocked with mucus, his throat was red with ulcers, he had only bones and skin left and even his tail was shedding dead skin with hair... that must be really miserable for him :'(

I cried so hard for 3 days straight :( until I started watching Vampire Diaries from Season 1 and it sorta helped me cuz the main character, Elena also lost her parents in a car accident... Now I stopped watching cuz halfway through Season 2, the complicated twist already fed me up >:(

Thank you to all friends who showed concern... your kindness really means a lot to me. Thank you Kah Wai for being the only one who texted me "... smile, Notty can see your tears"Renu for talking to me on FB when SK was still in Langkawi for his brother's wedding, CheeLing for the warm words, Jimi for the convo in the kitchen, SK for being there on the other end of video call when I was in deepest grief, Rudy for telling me stories about his cats and kittens (his family has had over 100 cats by now and 80 of them were buried behind his house wtf) which somehow made me take the death of Notty easier, and all kind souls who left comments under my FB post.

The one I have to thank most is my mom, for all the care, tolerance, dedication and love given to Notty, because of her love for me :')

In fact I was so guilty for the sorrow Notty's death bring to my family... first week after Notty's death, mom went to visit his grave every day... Dad buried him at the jungle beside his factory.

I think Notty's only regret in life was not having the chance to give away his virginity? He never got to be in contact with any cat since I adopted him because I didn't want stray cats to transmit diseases to him and we were still looking for a cute enough female cat for him, who knows he still got infected in the end :(
I really regret it not letting him breed... if I did, I can have at least one replica of Notty by now 

Anyway, mom and aunt feel better now cuz a stray cat just gave birth to 4 kittens behind my house, one of them looks exactly like Notty--the color, the round eyes, the stripes and the short tail :D they gave Notty's cat biscuits to the cat mama. They tried to kidnap the kitten but the cat mama was very fierce and protective of her new-born babies... and gram wasn't happy with the idea of getting pet again :(

The next time I see a kitten like Notty, I am sure I will adopt him (yellow tabby cats are usually male) and take good care of him until he dies of old age.

Meanwhile, Notty will remain in memories forever... Thank you for all the joy you have brought to us, you will always be our most loved babycat. Sorry for not taking good care of you, I hope you reincarnated as my next pet cat...

Only 5 compilation videos, I wish I took more back then... thought I still have years to do that since cats can live more than 10 years, who knows... :(

The last video was taken when Notty was asleep... it used to be my favorite moment with Notty. I would sniff him, disturb him a bit, watch him, lay down close to him just to listen to his breathing and heartbeat... and now Notty is forever sleeping in sand now :'(

If you happen to have pet cats or dogs, please make sure they are treated with medical care for prevention of infection... spend time with them, feed them well, take good care of them because they cannot tell you what they need and how they feel, but guess what, when they are just pets, YOU ARE THE WHOLE WORLD TO THEM.

Stupid tofu cat I miss you so fucking much can you come back and haunt me please

Seriously. I miss Notty so much... you don't understand.

ps: if you read from top till here, please leave me a comment... it means a lot to me :')

And here is the proof of how much Notty loved me:



  1. I'm sorry about your loss :( didn't realize until I saw this post because I've been away.

    But cheer up, no pet ever wants to see his master sad. I'm sure Notty feels the same :)

    1. I was already okay but now I am sad again after I wrote this wtf

  2. That was definitely one cute cat as a baby. I am slightly allergic to cats, but as long as I don't touch my eyes with my fingers after touching the cat, I'm fine.

    I can see how that cat grew on you. I'm not sure I would like the biting, but maybe that was your cat's way of marking it territory (without peeing and pooping).

    What is that phrase, "It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Seems fitting in your case...

    1. ..... even house cats cause allergy to you? or only certain species? even Persian cat? (wtf am i asking hahaha)

      ... and "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" T.T

  3. Notty can definitely feel ur love, he must be very hang fuk to have u as his owner =)

    1. thank you Evee... *sobs* maybe he would be more hang fuk if we found a wife for him wtf


    1. Awwwww adorable gorilla! I am watching documentaries about Koko right now

  5. Reading this blog entry reminds me of my puppies which died of intestinal infection..
    My heart goes out to Notty. May he rest in peace

    1. Thank you but y u no show your identity!

    2. Because I'm just a passerby

    3. Aiyer why so mysterious. Thank you for passing by lah!

  6. I'm not around cats enough to know the extent of my allergies to them. I can be in the same room with them, and don't have any trouble.

    How I found out I was allergic to cats: I was in high-school at a girl's house that had a cat. Her parents weren't home and we were on the couch. We were just starting to get "romantic"...and her cat jumped on my lap. I then touched my eye with my finger....the girl went to the kitchen for a second...and no lie, when she got back, she says to me, "What happened to your face!?" I went and looked in a mirror, and half of my face was swollen, especially around the eye that I touched...I looked like monster...and let's just say...all romance was over! The story of my life. LOL

    1. omg hahahahahahahahaha. Your allergic reaction was really fast! Be careful! LOL

  7. This post has set him in peace.

  8. Reading this post almost make me bursting into tears. It's like you love the pet until some extend you can actually understands what he is thinking. The connection is just so surreal. The time when I know my parent are sending me abroad, Nicky is the first thing came to my mind-who is going to take care of him once I left? That problem has been haunting me for many months. I don't know if Nicky knew it or what, I hate to put it this way, but somehow I think he decide to leave before I leave the country. That's how I comfort myself until now. My biggest regret is didn't took any video of him, just gazillions of photos.

    Anywho, all loved pets go to heaven. RIP, Notty. And thumbs up for you for being such an awesome owner! :)

  9. T.T.. My deepest condolences! I actually met Notty before at INTI, he was a lonely little cat who always wandered around Block E and sometimes we gave him food too! I cannot believe it grew up till so big and even harder to believe that he died! Deepest condolences to you hun.. He is lucky enough as he was loved by his master so much while he was alive.. Be strong, don't feel guilty as there are a lot of things in life that are out of our control.. Hugs tight..

    1. I still cry when I allow all memories with Notty sink in :( miss him so muchhhhhh

  10. The mourning is over, let's see a post about your new apartment!

    1. Not so soon... my posts are all super overdue lol