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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Obedient Husbands Club

So this infamous Obedient Wives Club has spread from Singapore to Malaysia, Indonesia, and some Arab countries. Hot topic. How can I not blog about it? ;)

For those of you who haven't heard of the news, this is the clip flooding my Facebook:


Funny shit. During the dancing ceremony part, there was a male background voice in suspense tone reciting in Malay: "Awesome Islamic sex has once again come back to cheer the earth... Muslim husbands and wives are now enjoying awesome Islamic sex again... more awesome than the forbidden Jewish sex..."

So cheesy okay i laughed so hard! Fucking hilarious when I saw response from my educated Muslim friends! So many -_- =.= and *facepalm* hahahaha. Here are some of the comments from them:

1. "Since when does the Quran say a man should marry 4 wives? -_-"
2. "A man should have sex with all his wives at the same time the heck?! New test for Muslim men from Allah?!"
3. "How did they know it's better than Jewish sex? They watched before ke?"
4. "What is forbidden Jewish sex anyways???"
5. "Omg I saw my uncle in the clip! Oh and my aunt too!!!" (the concept that all Muslims are one family)

Of course there are also passionate and lengthy debates about this Obedient Wives Club thingy. Bet many people are expecting me to be engaged in those arguments because I seem like a feminist preach about women's rights but nah,*hands off*



Lame excuses of my ignorance in this issue
#1 People have freedom to choose how they live. If those women choose to be obedient, let them! Polygamists don't come and criticize monogamists as if it's such a big deal that a bunch of women out there will be left unmarried, so give them the same respect, just leave them alone lah. That's their right to their own lives what? Parties involved are happy about it so why do we outsiders have to make so much noise? If a couple enjoy S&M who are you to lecture them, make a big fuss trying to turn their sex habit more "normal"?

#2 I see the women are degrading themselves as sex objects-- why care! Their choice! People make choices everyday, you can't teach them what are the right things to do (right and wrong is subjective anyway). Stupid people will be responsible for their own stupid decisions, you so kepo for what?

#3 Oh yeah right the existence of the club mempersiasuikan (defame) Malaysia to the maximum!!! Aiya at least we're finally on our way getting internationally well-known like Singapore! What for you defend, every basket has some rotten apples and there is no way to get rid of them. When biased people have decided to form perception based on those rotten ones, you can't do anything to stop it because rotten apples will never get out of our way. If you are really so concerned, I suggest you to go and brainwash those biased people and educate them about the truth behind misleading stereotypes... It's easier to change educated, civilized people than to..... you get what I mean.

#4 I'm tired of debating with people because some stupid people who never get my points always step in and piss me off. I'm easily provoked. So there.

#5 Looking at this issue in a joking manner is better for my mental health. And in fact the whole issue is a big joke. Why so serious?

#6 I actually like the idea to become a whore on bed for your husband :D It's sad enough to have all kinds of moral standards chain us up in routine life, and now even in sex you wanna be tied by "moral" and act like those women from Victorian period who thought that good wives should be as quiet as a dead starfish on bed you can go die!!! So fucking boring! If I am the husband I also wanna have scandals lah wtf!!!



Okay stray too far. Back to the topic...
Obedient Husbands Club chaired by me is coming soon!

The club is not made up by a bunch of obedient husbands though.... it's a women's club which preaches on "make your men obedient" :D


In contrast to this...



whereas the founder of Obedient Husbands Club said,




And since Obedient Wives Club has their own book...



Obedient Husbands Club also tak boleh kalah. This is the preview of our book cover:




The more awesome feature is our theme song!!!



Members of OHC will chant the line 
"whooo-ooo-ooo-ooaaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaaww-www"
and make their lips appear as sexy as possible while chanting. Those talented in dancing will learn the dance.


The essence of OHC is...
10 Secrets to Tame Your Men 

1. Manipulate women's crying ability.


The key is to know when to cry and how many amount of tear to shed. Make sure you look pitiful when you cry, don't go the ugly dramatic way. Men get protective when they see their beloved women cry. To get rid of your sad tears is a challenge to them. Don't excessively use tears as a weapon though, it tends to get irritating when you don't cry the right duration at the right time. Don't ask me how to know what's the right duration and the right time to cry, you have to join the club to find out.

(The girl in the picture is a Taiwanese make-up guru who gets popular on Youtube because she was crying throughout the make-up teaching process in the video. According to her, she had a fight with her boyfriend before the video was recorded.)


2. Wear make-up.


I'm not suggesting that you should have your make-up on in front of your men all the time like most Japanese wives who have never showed nude faces to their husbands. But do put on make-up once in a while; even better if you put on different styles of make-up. The major purpose is not to impress them but to grow confidence in yourself-- confidence is the top key to attractiveness!

At the same time men will also get reminded how beautiful you are, knowing that a long queue of men will line up in front of your door if you are back to single. They are forgetful so putting on make-up to surprise them serves a good reminder.


3. Get a cute pet.



I mean super adorable pets that even men cannot resist! Bond with your pets, team up against your men. It will be useful at times. *evil grin* And it becomes a challenge for him not to be in the opposite team with you and your pet. :P (okay this is a bit off)


4. Manipulate "hormone-imbalance" as the excuse for your bad mood


Pre-menstruation symptoms, during-menstruation symptoms, post-menstruation symptoms... describe to your men how this hormone thingy plays a big role in controlling your mood and temper. Find ways to make him understand your pain and misery having to go through this shit every fucking month. For example, you can wet a pad using whatsoever colored liquid and ask him to wear it for 7 days. Or kick him in the balls to make give an idea how menstrual pain can get. Challenge him to get you satisfied and in control during the time of the month and promise to give special rewards if he succeeds!


5. Develop interesting personality and 6. principles


The theory is easy. When your partner is boring you tend to stray. But when your partner is so mysterious and challenging to handle.... you won't have time to think about others because he/she keeps you occupied! Your focus will be to discover more uniqueness of your partner's personality. To conquer. And also remember to stand firm for your principles, don't get too easy-going! I find people strict with their principles attractive :) Compromising sometimes is necessary, but don't lose your principles. Set a limit. When you sacrifice so much you start feeling uneasy, you know it's time to fight for your own principles.


7. Have your own hobbies and 8. your own community


The best option is to get a job. Have your own field of profession (doesn't need to be white-collar) and your own income. There must be something you are talented in, don't quit after getting married! Passion in hobbies keeps your zeal for life alive! Attractiveness this is!

Never, ever, evolve your life around your men. Get your own community. At least once in a while, engage in social circles without him. Let him know that he is not your whole world, because if that's the truth and he recognizes it, he knows he has the ability to hurt and enslave you. Don't ever get handcuffed by men; independence is the best asset in women!


9. Dominate your men.


At least one in a while even if you are the submissive type. Men find this sexy. It's quite tiring for them to play the dominant role all the time, they'd love to have us take the turn sometimes. Especially in bed. Deep inside all men are big boys who haven't grow up, some are still in mama's boys stage even when they hit 40. This means that they get indecisive sometimes, or tend to look for unnecessary troubles. You can let them make mistakes and learn their lessons, but always stop them before the situation goes out of control. If your men are handicapped in finance, be the one who controls your family finance. It's 21st century now, don't get stuck in the   which   gender is supposed to play   what   role concept. It's getting ancient.


10. Frequently reminds him of the punishment he will get if he strays.



and carry out as stated in your warning when he does. If "divorce" is not your punishment, I have a few suggestions. Xiaxue always warns her husband Mike that she will castrate him if he cheats. Whereas I have a better idea...


yes male chastity lock! You can either make him wear the lock every time he leaves home, or sexually arouses him when he is wearing it! Muahahaha!!! For smaller mistakes, you can stop talking to him for few days, cook super yummy dishes but disallow him to eat, wear sexy clothes but reject him for sex.... so on. The theme is "an eye for an eye". I always told my partner that if he cheats I will do the same to avenge. Sometimes you just have to play around with his feelings and manipulate fear because men are not completely evolved yet. They have animal-like desires at times. Your responsibility is to make him responsible!



Anyway don't follow blindly! No two people on earth are identical and no two relationships are the same, so you need to find out your own recipe. Don't take the 10 secrets above too seriously, the author doesn't have much credibility... so think twice before you follow her advice! Everything is on your own risk!

Meanwhile, in the United States of America...


Such an irony eh?


xoxo

4 comments:

  1. what if the husband needs to pee? :O

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  2. walao y u haz so much time to write this thing

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  3. ROFL, Tears and cute pets?? HAHAHA! DOMINANCE...oh yeah. lol! Support OHC. :)

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  4. @Rudy: cuz it's my turn now *pokerface.jpg* you think you are the only one deserves to have exam-preparation-free weekend meh

    @Lindy: i actually planned to make all 10 points ridiculous but somehow the rest make sense. hahaha thank you for your support!

    ReplyDelete