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I write verbose posts about polyamory, love, lust, and self-discovery on my other blog Victoria's Imaginarium.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


I've decided that morality has one singular value. To me anyway. Maybe I've know it for a long time already, I just never got down to describing it in words.

I believe it's there to enrich our lives; to give us a semblance of virtue that gives us satisfaction when we manage to adhere to it. There really is some manner of self-approval to be derived from restraint. Huxley explored it in Brave New World. Sexual Liberation, complete, totalitarian sexual liberation, hyper-sexuality, isn't really genuine freedom into what sex really is. You'll get sick of it. It's pointless; But you already knew that. We all have different levels of morality, varying tolerance for self-control. But I don't think, I genuinely can't believe, having none is a possible level. That's for animals, and even prairie voles are supposed to be faithful to their mates.

Morality is not around to impose on your happiness, and if it does well, don't impress your ideas on anyone else. Because if it's making you feel like a caged bird; well, why promote an unhealthy thing. Other people have enough stress without you putting more unnecessary weight onto them with your silly religious ideals.

Guess what? I created another English blog to write stuffs I can't write here. Not a private blog, I don't really intend to hide my identity there, but I don't feel like publicizing it either. No much content yet, so don't ask me for the URL. Those are not stuffs you want to read anyway.

And I think I make you want to read them by saying that you won't want to read them.




*open new tab*


Sunday, November 27, 2011

Red-framed Sunglasses

Bought at University Book Store. W stands for Wisconsin.
Dented chin ♥

I went out like this. Without legging. 

Sometimes it's incredible how much I'm willing to sacrifice for useless fashion. The weather recently is 3-6 degree Celsius and I only wear 2 layers on my upper body part and 1 layer of legging/jeans. It's still too early to give up to bulky coats. The key is thick gloves + thick scarf!


Friday, November 25, 2011

Spilled A Cup of Coffee

not spilled. DROPPED.

I don't really want to write two posts in one day but my mood is fucking screwed so I have to or else you will find my corpse in Lake Mandota.

A lot of unpleasant things happened in a row. I attracted them into my life. Awesome?

I have no idea how it happened--I was holding this fucking evil cup of starbucks coffee, about to put it on my table, and then it slipped from my hand.

My pens which scattered everywhere on the table, my laptop keyboard, my textbook, my notes, my pencil box, two packs of unused sticky notes, the wall, the table, the floor, the chair, my pants, my shirt. Sticky and wet. FUCK.

So when everybody else is on Black Friday Sale spree, having fun, I'm here in my room, alone, cleaning up all the mess I have created, alone, sulking, nobody care, no help from nobody, forever alone, me, sickening smell, coffee stain, sticky, wet, fuck, my lovely cute towel is soaking the spilled coffee, go die, I should go die.

I know it's just a cup of coffee.


I really feel like dying.

Thanksgiving test from God

God gives me a very challenging test on Thanksgiving.

No not to resist temptation of Black Friday Sale. The test is to put up with these:

This test has started since months ago. My progress? 

Stage 1:

Stage 2:

Stage 3:

Stage 4:

Current stage:

After I meditate, I sing "Give Thanks" ...

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the holy one
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His son
And now
Let the weak say "I am strong"
Let the poor say "I am rich"
Because of what the Lord has done for us
Give thanks

So Jesus, do I pass the test?

Thank you!!! :'D
*sing Give Thanks with a merrier tone*


Thursday, November 24, 2011

I miss Notty so freaking much

Apparently I didn't post pictures of Notty for a very long time... These are some I collected before leaving Malaysia:

Notty seeking my attention ♥

Sometimes he jumped onto the lid of my laptop from the floor and gave me an heart attack. Sometimes he walked across or sat on my keyboard like a boss. I dunno why but it is quite universal that cats love to sit/sleep/lay on the keyboard...

Notty loves Milo more than milk I dunno why. He instantly went crazy when someone in the house drank Milo, no matter hot Milo made from Milo powder or those packed ones. Every time I poured a pool of Milo onto the floor he would lick it clean.

Cockroach is his favorite toy other than lizard. He has saved me many times when i was the only one awake in the house! Notty is my hero~♥

And he loves my bed too. I wonder if he can grow any bigger.

For some unknown reason he loves this yellow file. Once my mom replaced the file with a blue one, and Notty didn't even bother to give a try sitting on it during those few days. Then mom switched it back. Notty went and sat on it again.

Why did Notty sleep like that I don't even

2 days before my departure:

Only if I could put him in the luggage and bring him with me... ;_;

When I talked to Notty on skype, he ran into my room looking for me, meowing..... and my tears rolled down. Mom said Notty didn't let them hug/touch him after I left home. I always thought he didn't particularly love me more because he loved to bite me (and I let him), and for 3 months I was the one who locked him downstairs because I went to bed the latest. He was not the type that bermanja-manjaan with anyone, but he always meowed outside my room around 11am (I woke up at 2pm) and my mom would open the door to let him in. Then he squeezed in between my legs, curled up and slept... awwwwww i miss Nottyyyyyy




Tuesday, November 22, 2011

DST ended. 5pm like midnight.

Daylight saving time (DST) is the practice of temporarily advancing clocks during the summertime so that afternoons have more daylight and mornings have less. Typically clocks are adjusted forward one hour near the start of spring and are adjusted backward in autumn.  
Source: Wikipedia

November 6, 2011 was the first time I had to stare at the time on my laptop and phone to witness how it was adjusted backward one hour (1.59am --> 1.00am) then adjusted all watches and clocks in the house accordingly. My Facebook and Twitter were flooded by feeds about DST by Malaysian students fresh in USA. So jakun lah.

And now we are entering the dark period of 5pm like midnight.

It's pretty depressing although I like night time. It's like... the illusion of "hoi it's late already!" bugs you to start doing your homework 4 hours earlier than usual. And you also start feeling sleepy when it's just dinner time, if you sleep earlier it means you're sleeping more because you most probably won't wake up earlier and even if you do you will go back to sleep after you brush your teeth. Then you have less time awake. See the problem now?

Anyway the effect never really impacted me and the illusion is confirmed gone after I get used to it. Heh.


Sunday, November 20, 2011

Rico The Zombie Boy + other gruesome body arts

If you follow me on my Facebook page and Twitter (okay well 95% of the pitifully small number of my follower are my friends, which are also the only group of people who read my blog so yeah), you probably have noticed that I like Rick Genest very much! I was viewing YouTube videos of him so here is just a compilation of the few I like the most:


Bet you're curious about how he looked before all those tattoos were done... because he looks hot, like really hot right? Here is an advertisement in which he had the tattoos covered up... Surprisingly, he actually looks much less hot without the tattoos!!! His feature and body turned a bit plump, and waaaaaay much ordinary.

Without the tattoos I would not give a thought of having sex with him... What a right choice he has made!

And then YouTube sidebar suggested me some other videos of body art and I swear I never ever intended to come across the following videos. FUCKING GRUESOME and totally unacceptable to me!!!

Serious warning.  

Quit now unless you want a hardcore mind-fuck. 

Don't even scroll down to look at the video preview because all are scary enough to make you swear like a sailor!!!

Holy jesus who on earth came up with the idea!!!!!
So fucking painful even just to touch your eyeball okay!!!!!!



What's the point to have the zipper!!! So lebih!!!

I did try to understand their mindset and standard of beauty perception but FUCK IT I give up!!! Can't even imagine myself going through anything close to these!!!

Piercings, tattoos and stratification (human branding)? They are NOTHINGNESS compared to these crazy forms of "art"!!! Chee Ling you should have shown these on your Public Speaking informational presentation. I can't even tell whether the topic will get approved wtf.

What's next? Grill a hole through your chest, remove the flesh and stuff in glass block to make your heart visible to people?

Who knows, my blog might get fucking popular one day, crazy people might come across this post and actually take my suggestion... *shrug*


Saturday, November 19, 2011

My First Apartment in USA

I had a struggle before publishing this post. Was very worried to reveal my location to some random psychos out there, who are so obsessed with me and might come over to rape/assassinate me. I'm serious.

All the fault of

If you haven't played the game, I recommend you to give a try. Grant permission for it to access your Facebook information, then enjoy the show ;)

Anyway here are the pictures of the place I live:

No exaggeration, this totally describes the life of tenants inside my apartment

The wooden staircase makes very loud quaky sound every time we stumble over

 A lot of storage space yes, but we're short Asians so the top row is basically useless

The record is 10 bags of smelly trash in the kitchen, 8 bags behind the back door

apparently the notice I put is transparent

I also put another invisible notice at the wall (not shown here not because it is really invisible okay). My housemates have too much sympathy for microorganisms. My reaction? Frustration --> indifference.

Monthly rental for each person is $360 excluding heat, gas, internet, electricity and furniture. Awesome much? You know why? Because these seniors (my housemates) were dragging for months to sign up for apartments we spotted, we missed 3 apartments before choosing this. 

Now you know why the word "first" in the post title?

Sorry can't share the pictures of my housemates without their permission. This is quite close though:

At least it is quite near to some of the school building. The rooms are spacious too.

The real width of the closet is till the two ends of the wall

don't judge me thank you

View from my window:

The desk I bought from Amazon:

I assembled the pieces on my own without anybody's help okay! Living Skills subject (Kemahiran Hidup) taken during Form 1-3 (Year 7-9) is proven to be useful. And Daddy should be proud that I inherited his carpenter's talent somewhat... say hi to my eye bags and dark circles caused by jet lag.


On the temporary air bed I bought. Had trouble returning it. Will blog about it in another post.

So this is how far I have traveled:

okay Malaysia is so freaking tiny the arrow covers it all wtf.

Sorry for the tulan ambivalent tone, it's because I'm trying very hard not to complain about my housemates and the apartment itself...

If you wonder why I am not moving out.... well the lease ends next fall.

N.e.v.e.r.m.i.n.d. *zen*